GRACES
Part - II
CLEANLINESS
THE person should be accurately clean; the teeth,
hands, and nails should be particularly so: a dirty mouth has real ill
consequences to the owner, for it infallibly causes the decay, as well as the
intolerable pain of the teeth; and is very offensive, for it will most
inevitably stink. Nothing looks more ordinary, vulgar, and illiberal than dirty
hands, and ugly, uneven, and ragged nails; the ends of which should be kept
smooth and clean, (not tipped with black,) and small segments of circles; and every
time that the hands are wiped, rub the skin round the nails backward, that it
may not grow up, and shorten them too much. Upon no account whatever put your
fingers in your nose or ears. It is the most shocking, nasty, vulgar rudeness,
that can be offered to company. The ears should be washed well every morning;
and in blowing your nose, never look afterwards into your handkerchief.
These things may, perhaps, appear too
insignificant to be mentioned; but, when it is remembered that a thousand little
nameless things, which every one feels, but no one can describe, conspire to
form that whole of pleasing, I think we ought not to call them trifling.
Besides, a clean shirt and a clean person are as necessary to health as not to
offend other people. I have ever held it as a maxim, and which I have lived to
see verified, that a man who is negligent at twenty will be a sloven at forty,
and intolerable at fifty years of age.
COMPLIMENTS
ATTEND to the compliments of congratulations, or
condolence, that you hear a well-bred man make to his superiors, to his equals,
and to his inferiors: watch even his countenance and his tone of voice; for
they all conspire in the main point of pleasing. There is a certain
distinguishing diction of a man of fashion: he will not content himself with
saying, like John Trot, to a new-married man, “Sir, I wish you much joy;” or to
a man who has lost his son, “ Sir, I am sorry for your loss;” and both with a
countenance equally unmoved; but he will say in effect the same thing, in a
more elegant and less trivial manner, and with a countenance adapted to the
occasion. He will advance with warmth, vivacity, and a cheerful countenance, to
the new-married man, and, embracing him, perhaps say to him, “ If you do
justice to my attachment to you, you will judge of the joy that I feel upon
this occasion, better than I can express it,” &c. To the other in
affliction he will advance slowly, with a grave composure of countenance, in a
more deliberate manner, and, with a lower voice, perhaps, say, “I hope you do
me the justice to be convinced that I feel whatever you feel, and shall ever be
affected where you are concerned.”
DICTION
THERE
is a certain language of conversation, a fashionable diction, of which every
gentleman ought to be perfectly master, in whatever language he speaks. The
French attend to it carefully, and with great reason; and their language, which
is a language of phrases, helps them out exceedingly. That delicacy of diction
is characteristical of a man of fashion and good company.
DRESS AND DANCING
DRESS is one of the various ingredients that contribute
to the art of pleasing, and, therefore; an object of some attention; for we
cannot help forming some opinion of a man’s sense and character from his dress.
All affectation in dress implies a flaw in the understanding. Men of sense
carefully avoid any particular character in their dress: they are accurately
clean for their own sake; but all the rest is for the sake of other people. A
man should dress as well, and in the same manner, as the people of sense and
fashion of the place where he is: If he dresses more than they, he is a fop; if
he dresses less, he is unpardonably negligent; but of the two, a young fellow
should be rather too much than too little dressed; the excess of that side will
wear off with a little age and reflection.
The difference in dress between a man and
a fop is, that the fop values himself upon his dress, and the man of sense
laughs at it, at the same time that he knows he must not neglect it: there are
a thousand foolish customs of this kind, which, as they are not criminal, must
be complied with, and even cheerfully, by men of sense. Diogenes* the cynic was
a wise man for despising them, but a fool for showing it.
We should not attempt to rival or to excel
a fop in dress; but it is necessary to dress, to avoid singularity and
ridicule. Great care should be taken to be always dressed like the reasonable
people of our own age, in the place where we are; whose dress is never spoken
of one way or the other, as neither too negligent nor too much studied.
Awkwardness of carriage is very
alienating, and a total negligence of dress and air is an impertinent insult
upon custom and fashion. Women have great influence as to a man's fashionable
character; and an awkward man will never have their votes, which are very
numerous, and oftener counted than weighed.
When we are once well dressed for the day,
we should think no more of it afterwards; and without any stiffness for fear of
discomposing that dress, we should be as easy and natural as if we had no
clothes on at all.
Dancing, likewise, though a silly trifling
thing, is one of those established follies which people of sense are sometimes
obliged to conform to; and, if they do, they should be able to perform it well.
In dancing, the motion of the arms should
be particularly attended to, as these decide a man's being genteel or
otherwise, more than any other part of the body. A twist or stiffness in the
wrist will make any man look awkward. If a man dances well from the waist
upwards, wears his hat well, and moves his head properly, he dances well. Coming
into a room and presenting yourself to a company, should be also attended to,
as this always gives the first impression, which is often indelible. Those who
present themselves well, have a certain dignity in their air, which, without
the least seeming mixture of pride, at once engages, and is respected.
DRINKING OF HEALTHS
DRINKING of healths* is now grown out of fashion, and
is deemed unpolite in good company. Custom once had rendered it universal; but
the improved manners of the age now consider it as absurd and vulgar. What can
be more rude or ridiculous than to interrupt persons at their meals with an unnecessary
compliment? Abstain, then, from this silly custom, where you find it disused; and
use it only at those tables where it continues general.
ASSURANCE
A STEADY
assurance is too often improperly styled impudence. For my part, I see no impudence,
but, on the contrary, infinite utility and advantage, in presenting one's self,
with the same coolness and unconcern, in any and every company: till one can do
that, I am very sure that one can never present one's self well. Whatever is
done under concern and embarrassment, must be ill done; and, till a man is
absolutely easy and unconcerned in every company, he will never be thought to
have kept good, nor be very welcome in it. Assurance and intrepidity, under the
white banner of seeming modesty, clear the way to merit, that would otherwise
be discouraged by difficulties in its journey; whereas barefaced impudence is
the noisy and blustering harbinger of a worthless and senseless usurper.
HURRY
A MAN of sense
may be in haste, but can never be in a hurry, because he knows whatever he does
in a hurry he must necessarily do very ill. He may be in haste to dispatch an
affair; but he will take care not to let that haste hinder his doing it well.
Little minds are in a hurry when the object proves (as it commonly does) too
big for them; they run, they hare, they puzzle, confound, and perplex
themselves; they want to do everything at once, and never do it at all. But a
man of sense takes the time necessary for doing the thing he is about well; and
his haste to dispatch a business only appears by the continuity of his
application to it: he pursues it with a cool steadiness, and finishes it before
he begins any other.
LAUGHTER
FREQUENT and
loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners; it is the manner
in which the mob express their silly joy at silly things; and they call it
being merry. In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal and so ill-bred, as
audible laughter. True wit or sense never yet made anybody laugh; they are
above it; they please the mind, and give a cheerfulness to the countenance. But
it is low buffoonery, or silly accidents, that always excite laughter; and that
is what people of sense and breeding should show themselves above. A man's
going to sit down in the supposition that he has a chair behind him, and
falling down upon his breech for want of one, sets a whole company laughing,
when all the wit in the world would not do it; a plain proof, in my mind, how
low and unbecoming a thing laughter is; not to mention the disagreeable noise
that it makes, and the shocking distortion of the face that it occasions.
Many
people, at first from awkwardness, have got a very disagreeable and silly trick
of laughing whenever they speak; and I know men of very good parts who cannot
say the commonest things without laughing, which makes those who do not know
them take them at first for natural fools.
LETTER-WRITING
IT is of the
utmost importance to write letters well; as this is a talent which daily
occurs, as well in business as in pleasure; and inaccuracies in orthography, or
in style, are never pardoned but in ladies; nor is it hardly pardonable in
them. The Epistles of Cicero* are the most perfect models of good writing.
Letters
should be easy and natural, and convey to the person to whom we send them, just
what we would say to those persons if we were present with them.
The best
models of letter-writing are Cicero*, Cardinal d'Ossat, Madame Sevigne, and
Comte Bussy Rebutin. Cicero's Epistles to Atticus, and to his familiar friends,
are the best examples in the friendly and the familiar style. The simplicity
and clearness of the letters of Cardinal d'Ossat show how letters of business
ought to be written. For gay and amusing letters, there are none that equal
Comte Bussy's and Madame Sevigne's. They are so natural, that they seem to be
the extempore conversations of two people of wit, rather than letters.
Neatness in
folding up, sealing, and directing letters is by no means to be neglected. There
is something in the exterior, even of a letter, that may please or displease;
and consequently deserves some attention.
NICKNAME
THERE is nothing
that a young man, at his first appearance in the world, has more reason to
dread, and therefore should take more pains to avoid, than having any ridicule
fixed on him. In the opinion even of the most rational men, it will degrade him,
but ruin him with the rest. Many a man has been undone by acquiring a
ridiculous nickname. The causes of nicknames among well-bred men are generally the
little defects in manner, elocution, air, or address. To have the appellation
of muttering, awkward, ill-bred, absent, left-legged, annexed always to
your name, would injure you more than you imagine. Avoid, then, these little
defects, and you may set ridicule at defiance.
(to be continued in Part - III)
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