KNOWLEDGE
OF THE WORLD
Part - I
WE should endeavor to hoard up, while we are young, a great stock of
knowledge; for, though during that time of dissipation we may not have occasion
to spend much of it, yet a time will come when we shall want it to maintain us.
HOW TO ACQUIRE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD
THE knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a
closet. Books alone will never teach it you; but they will suggest many things
to your observation, which might otherwise escape you; and your own
observations upon mankind, when compared with those which you will find in
books, will help you to fix the true point.
To know mankind well, requires full as
much attention and application as to know books, and, it may be, more sagacity
and discernment. I am at this time acquainted with many elderly people, who have
all passed their whole lives in the great world, but with such levity and
inattention, that they know no more of it now than they did at fifteen. Do not
flatter yourself, therefore, with the thought that you can acquire this
knowledge in the frivolous chit-chat of idle companies; no, you must go much
deeper than that. You must look into people, as well as at them. Search, therefore, with the greatest care, into the
characters of all those whom you converse with; endeavor to discover their
predominant passions, their prevailing weaknesses, their vanities, their
follies, and their humors; with all the right and wrong, wise and silly springs
of human action, which makes such inconsistent and whimsical beings of us
rational creatures.
NEVER SHOW A CONTEMPT
FOR ANY ONE
THERE are no persons so insignificant and
inconsiderable, but may, some time or other, or in some thing or other, have it
in their power to be of use to you; which they certainly will not, if you have
once shown them contempt. Wrongs are often forgiven; but contempt never is. Our
pride remembers it forever. Remember, therefore, most carefully to conceal your
contempt, however just, wherever you would not make an implacable enemy. Men
are much more unwilling to have their weaknesses and their imperfections known
than their crimes; and, if you hint to a man that you think him silly,
ignorant, or even ill-bred or awkward, he will hate you more and longer than if
you tell him plainly that you think him a rogue.
MAKE NO MAN FEEL HIS
INFERIORITY
NOTHING is more insulting than to take pains to make a
man feel a mortifying inferiority in knowledge, rank, fortune, etc. In the
first it is both ill-bred and ill-natured, and in the two latter articles it is
unjust, they not being in his power. Good-breeding and good-nature incline us
rather to raise people up to ourselves, than to mortify and depress them.
Besides, it is making ourselves so many friends, instead of so many enemies. A
constant attention to please, is a most necessary ingredient in the art of
pleasing: it flatters the self-love of those to whom it is shown; it engages and
captivates, more than things of much greater importance. Every man is, in some
measure, obliged to discharge the social duties of life; but these attentions
are voluntary acts, the free-will offering of good-breeding and good nature;
they are received, remembered, and returned as such. Women, in particular, have
a right to them; and any omission in that respect is downright ill-breeding.
NEVER
EXPOSE PEOPLE’S WEAKNESSES AND INFIRMITIES
WE should never yield to that temptation, which to most
young men is very strong; of exposing other people's weaknesses and
infirmities, for the sake either of diverting the company or of showing our own
superiority. We may, by that means, get the laugh on our side for the present;
but we shall make enemies by it forever; and even those who laugh with us will,
upon reflection, fear and despise us: it is ill-natured; and a good heart
desires rather to conceal than expose other people's weaknesses or misfortunes.
If we have wit, we should use it to please, and not to hurt; we may shine, like
the sun in the temperate zone, without scorching.
STEADY
COMMAND OF TEMPER AND COUNTENANCE
THERE are many inoffensive arts which are necessary in
the course of the world, and which he who practices the earliest will please
the most, and rise the soonest. The spirits and vivacity of youth are apt to
neglect them as useless, or reject them as troublesome; but subsequent
knowledge and experience of the world remind us of their importance, commonly
when it is too late. The principal of these things is the mastery of one's
temper, and that coolness of mind and serenity of countenance which hinder us
from discovering, by words, actions, or even looks, those passions or
sentiments by which we are inwardly moved or agitated; and the discovery of
which gives cooler and abler people such infinite advantages over us, not only
in great business, but in all the most common occurrences of life. A man who does
not possess himself enough to hear disagreeable things, without visible marks
of anger and change of countenance, or agreeable ones without sudden bursts of
joy and expansion of countenance, is at the mercy of every artful knave or pert
coxcomb: the former will provoke or please you by design, to catch unguarded
words or looks, by which he will easily decipher the secrets of your heart, of
which you should keep the key yourself, and trust it with no man living; the
latter will, by his absurdity, and without intending it, produce the same
discoveries of which other people will avail themselves.
If you find yourself subject to sudden
starts of passion or madness, (for I see no difference between them, but in
their duration,) resolve within yourself, at least, never to speak one word
while you feel that emotion within you.
In short, make yourself absolute master of
your temper and your countenance, so far at least as that no visible change do
appear in either, whatever you may feel inwardly. This may be difficult, but it
is by no means impossible; and, as a man of sense never attempts
impossibilities on the one hand, on the other, he is never discouraged by
difficulties: on the contrary, he redoubles his industry and his diligence; he
perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last. In any point which prudence bids
you pursue, and which a manifest utility attends, let difficulties only animate
your industry, not deter you from the pursuit. If one way has failed, try
another: be active, persevere, and you will conquer. Some people are to be
reasoned, some flattered, some intimidated, and some teased into a thing; but,
in general, all are sure to be brought into it at last, if skillfully applied
to, properly managed, and indefatigably attacked in their several weak places.
The time should likewise be judiciously chosen: every man has his mollia
tempora; but that is far from being all day long; and you would choose your
time very ill, if you applied to a man about one business, when his head was
full of another, or when his heart was full of grief, anger, or any other
disagreeable sentiment.
JUDGE
OF OTHER MEN’S FEELINGS BY YOUR OWN
IN order to judge of the inside of others, study your
own; for men, in general, are very much alike; and, though one has one
prevailing passion, and another has another, yet their operations are much the
same; and whatever engages or disgusts, pleases or offends you, in others will,
mutatis mutandis, engage, disgust, please, or offend others in you.
Observe, with the utmost attention, all the operations of your own mind, the
nature of your passions, and the various motives that determine your will; and
you may, in a great degree, know all mankind. For instance: Do you find
yourself hurt and mortified when another makes you feel his superiority and
your own inferiority in knowledge, parts, rank, or fortune? You will certainly
take great care not to make a person whose good-will, good word, interest,
esteem, or friendship you would gain, feel that superiority in you, in case you
have it. If disagreeable insinuations, sly sneers, or repeated contradictions,
tease and irritate you, would you use them where you wished to engage and
please? Surely not; and I hope you wish to engage and please almost
universally. The temptation of saying a smart and witty thing, or bon mot,
and the malicious applause with which it is commonly received, have made people
who can say them, and, still oftener, people who think they can, but cannot,
and yet try, more enemies, and implacable ones too, than any one other thing
that I know of. When such things, then, shall happen to be said at your expense,
(as sometimes they certainly will), reflect seriously upon the sentiments of
uneasiness, anger, and resentment which they excite in you; and consider whether
it can be prudent, by the same means, to excite the same sentiments in others
against you. It is a decided folly to lose a friend for a jest; but, in my
mind, it is not a much less degree of folly to make an enemy of an indifferent
and neutral person for the sake of a bon mot. When things of this kind
happen to be said of you, the most prudent way is to seem not to suppose that
they are meant at you, but to dissemble and conceal whatever degree of anger
you may feel inwardly; and, should they be so plain, that you cannot be
supposed ignorant of their meaning, to join in the laugh of the company against
yourself; acknowledge the hit to be a fair one, and the jest a good one, and
play off the whole thing in seeming good humor; but by no means reply in the same
way, which only shows that you are hurt, and publishes the victory which you
might have concealed. Should the thing said, indeed, injure your honor or moral
character, remember there are but two alternatives for a gentleman and a man of
parts,—extreme politeness, or a duel.
AVOID SEEING AN AFFRONT, IF POSSIBLE
IF a man notoriously and designedly insults and
affronts you, knock him down; but, if he only injures you, your best revenge is
to be extremely civil to him in your outward behavior, though, at the same time,
you counterwork him, and return him the compliment, perhaps with interest. This
is not perfidy nor dissimulation: it would be so, if you were, at the same
time, to make professions of esteem and friendship to this man; which I by no
means recommend, but, on the contrary, abhor. All acts of civility are, by
common consent, understood to be no more than a conformity to custom, for the
quiet and conveniency of society, the agremens of which are not to be
disturbed by private dislikes and jealousies. Only women and little minds pout
and spar for the entertainment of the company, that always laughs at and never
pities them. For my own part, though I would by no means give up any point to a
competitor, yet I would pique myself upon showing him rather more civility than
to another man. In the first place, this behavior infallibly makes all the laughers
of your side, which is a considerable party; and, in the next place, it
certainly pleases the object of the competition, be it either man or woman; who
never fail to say, upon such an occasion, that “they must own you have behaved yourself
very handsomely in the whole affair.”
DISSEMBLE RESENTMENT TOWARDS ENEMIES
IN short, let this be one invariable rule of your
conduct: Never to show the least symptom of resentment which you cannot, to a
certain degree, gratify; but always to smile where you cannot strike. There
would be no living in the world, if one could not conceal, and even dissemble,
the just causes of resentment which one meets with every day in active and busy
life. Whoever cannot master his humor should leave the world, and retire to
some hermitage in an unfrequented desert. By showing an unavailing and sullen
resentment, you authorize the resentment of those who can hurt you, and whom
you cannot hurt; and give them that very pretence, which, perhaps, they wished
for, of breaking with and injuring you; whereas the contrary behavior would lay
them under the restraints of decency at least, and either shackle or expose
their malice. Besides, captiousness, sullenness, and pouting are most
exceedingly illiberal and vulgar.
TRUST NOT TOO MUCH TO ANY MAN’S HONESTY
THOUGH men are all of
one composition, the several ingredients are so differently proportioned in
each individual, that no two are exactly alike; and no one, at all times, like
himself. The ablest man will sometimes do weak things; the proudest man, mean
things; the honestest man, ill things; and the wickedest man, good things.
Study individuals, then; and, if you take (as you ought to do) their outlines
from their prevailing passion, suspend your last finishing strokes till you
have attended to and discovered the operations of their inferior passions,
appetites, and humors. A man's general character may be that of the honestest man
in the world: do not dispute it; you may be thought envious or ill-natured;
but, at the same time, do not take this probity upon trust to such a degree as
to put your life, fortune, or reputation in his power. This honest man may
happen to be your rival in power, in interest, or in love,—three passions that
often put honesty to most severe trials, in which it is too often cast; but,
first, analyze this honest man yourself, and then only you will be able to
judge how far you may or may not with safety trust him.
(to be continued in Part - II)
