KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD
Part - II
STUDY THE FOIBLES AND PASSIONS OF BOTH SEXES
IF you would particularly gain the affection and
friendship of particular people, whether men or women, endeavor to find out the
predominant excellency, if they have one, and their prevailing weakness, which
everybody has; and do justice to the one, and something more than justice to
the other. Men have various objects in which they may excel, or at least would
be thought to excel and though they love to hear justice done to them where
they know that they excel, yet they are most and best flattered upon those
points where they wish to excel, and yet are doubtful whether they do or not.
As for example: Cardinal Richelieu, who was undoubtedly the ablest statesman of
his time, or perhaps of any other, had the idle vanity of being thought the
best poet too: he envied the great Corneille his reputation, and ordered a
criticism to be written upon the "Cid." Those, therefore, who
flattered skillfully, said little to him of his abilities in state affairs, or
at least but en passant, and as it might naturally occur. But the
incense which they gave him, the smoke of which they knew would turn his head
in their favor, was as a bel esprit and a poet. Why? Because he was sure
of one excellency, and distrustful as to the other.
FLATTER THE VANITY OF ALL
YOU will easily discover every man's prevailing vanity
by observing his favorite topic of conversation; for every man talks most of
what he has most a mind to be thought to excel in. Touch him but there, and you
touch him to the quick.
Women have in general but one object,
which is their beauty, upon which scarce any flattery is too gross for them to
swallow. Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to
flattery upon her person. If her face is so shocking, that she must, in some
degree, be conscious of it, her figure and her air, she trusts, make ample
amends for it. If her figure is deformed, her face, she thinks, counterbalances
it. If they are both bad, she comforts herself that she has graces, a certain
manner, a je ne sais quoi, still more engaging than beauty. This truth
is evident from the studied and elaborate dress of the ugliest women in the
world. An undoubted, uncontested, conscious beauty is, of all women, the least
sensible of flattery upon that head; she knows it is her due, and is therefore
obliged to nobody for giving it her. She must be flattered upon her
understanding, which though she may possibly not doubt of herself, yet she
suspects that men may distrust.
Do not mistake me, and think that I mean
to recommend to you abject and criminal flattery: No; flatter nobody's vices nor
crimes; on the contrary, abhor and discourage them. But there is no living in
the world without a complaisant indulgence for people's weaknesses, and
innocent though ridiculous vanities. If a man has a mind to be thought wiser
and a woman handsomer than they really are, their error is a comfortable one to
themselves, and an innocent one with regard to other people; and I would rather
make them my friends by indulging them in it, than my enemies by endeavoring
(and that to no purpose) to undeceive them.
SUSPECT
THOSE WHO REMARKABLY AFFECT ANY ONE VIRTUE
SUSPECT, in general, those who remarkably affect any
one virtue,—who raise it above all others, and who, in a manner, intimate that
they possess it exclusively: I say, suspect them; for they are commonly
impostors: but do not be sure that they are always so; for I have sometimes
known saints really religious, blusterers really brave, reformers of manners
really honest, and prudes really chaste. Pry into the recesses of their hearts
yourself, as far as you are able, and never implicitly adopt a character upon
common fame; which, though generally right as to great outlines of characters,
is always wrong in some particulars.
GUARD AGAINST PROFFERED FRIENDSHIP
BE upon your guard against those who, upon very slight acquaintance, obtrude their unasked and unmerited friendship and confidence upon you; for they probably cram you with them only for their own eating; but, at the same time, do not roughly reject them upon that general supposition. Examine further, and see whether those unexpected offers flow from a warm heart and a silly head, or from a designing head and a cold heart; for knavery and folly have often the same symptoms. In the first case, there is no danger in accepting them,—valeant quantum valere possunt. In the latter case, it may be useful to seem to accept them, and artfully to turn the battery upon him who raised it.
DISBELIEVE ASSERTIONS BY OATHS
IF a man uses strong oaths or protestations to make you believe a thing which is of itself so likely and probable that the bare saying of it would be sufficient, depend upon it he lies, and is highly interested in making you believe it; or else he would not take so much pains.
THERE is an incontinency of friendship among young fellows, who are associated by their mutual pleasures only, which has very frequently bad consequences. A parcel of warm hearts and inexperienced heads, heated by convivial mirth, and possibly a little too much wine, vow, and really mean at the time, eternal friendships to each other, and indiscreetly pour out their whole souls in common, and without the least reserve. These confidences are as indiscreetly repealed as they were made; for new pleasures and new places soon dissolve this ill-cemented connection, and then very ill uses are made of these rash confidences. Bear your part, however, in young companies; nay, excel, if you can, in all the social and convivial joy and festivity that become youth. Trust them with your love-tales, if you please; but keep your serious views secret. Trust those only to some tried friend, more experienced than yourself, and who, being in a different walk of life from you, is not likely to become your rival; for I would not advise you to depend so much upon the heroic virtue of mankind, as to hope or believe that your competitor will ever be your friend, as to the object of that competition.
A SEEMING IGNORANCE OFTEN NECESSARY
A SEEMING ignorance is often a most necessary part of
worldly knowledge. It is, for instance, commonly advisable to seem ignorant of
what people offer to tell you; and, when they say, “Have not you heard of such
a thing?” to answer, “No,” and to let them go on, though you know it already.
Some have a pleasure in telling it, because they think they tell it well;
others have a pride in it, as being the sagacious discoverers; and many have a
vanity in showing that they have been, though very undeservedly, trusted: all
these would be disappointed, and consequently displeased, if you said, “Yes”.
Seem always ignorant (unless to one most intimate friend) of all matters of
private scandal and defamation, though you should hear them a thousand times;
for the parties affected always look upon the receiver to be almost as bad as
the thief; and, whenever they become the topic of conversation, seem to be a
skeptic, though you are really a serious believer; and always take the extenuating
part. But all this seeming ignorance should be joined to thorough and extensive
private informations; and, indeed, it is the best method of procuring them; for
most people have such a vanity in showing a superiority over others, though but
for a moment, and in the merest trifles, that they will tell you what they
should not, rather than not show that they can tell what you did not know;
besides that, such seeming ignorance will make you pass for incurious, and
consequently undesigning. However, fish for facts, and take pains to be well
informed of everything that passes; but fish judiciously, and not always, nor
indeed often, in the shape of direct questions, which always put people upon
their guard, and, often repeated, grow tiresome. But, sometimes, take the
things that you would know for granted; upon which somebody will, kindly and
officiously, set you right; sometimes say, that you have heard so and so, and
at other times seem to know more than you do, in order to know all that you
want; but avoid direct questioning as much as you can.
FLEXIBILITY OF MANNERS
VERY USEFUL
HUMAN nature is the same all over the world; but its
operations are so varied by education and habit, that one must see it in all
its dresses in order to be intimately acquainted with it. The passion of
ambition, for instance, is the same in a courtier, a soldier, or an
ecclesiastic; but, from their different educations and habits, they will take
very different methods to gratify it. Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate
and oblige others, is essentially the same in every country; but good-breeding,
as it is called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is different
in almost every country, and merely local; and every man of sense imitates and
conforms to that local good-breeding of the place which he is at. A conformity
and flexibility of manners is necessary in the course of the world; that is,
with regard to all things which are not wrong in themselves. The versatile
ingenium is the most useful of all. It can turn itself instantly from one
object to another, assuming the proper manner for each. It can be serious with
the grave, cheerful with the gay, and trifling with the frivolous.
Indeed, nothing is more engaging than a
cheerful and easy conformity to people's particular manners, habits, and even
weaknesses; nothing (to use a vulgar expression) should come amiss to a young
fellow. He should be, for good purposes, what Alcibiades was commonly for bad
ones,—a Proteus, assuming with ease, and wearing with cheerfulness, any shape.
Heat, cold, luxury, abstinence, gravity, gaiety, ceremony, easiness, learning,
trifling, business, and pleasure, are modes which he should be able to take,
lay aside, or change occasionally, with as much ease as he would take or lay
aside his hat.
SPIRIT
YOUNG men are apt to think that everything is to be
carried by spirit and vigor; that art is meanness, and that versatility
and complaisance are the refuge of pusillanimity and weakness. This most
mistaken opinion gives an indelicacy, an abruptness, and a roughness to the
manners. Fools, who can never be undeceived, retain them as long as they live;
reflection, with a little experience, makes men of sense shake them off soon.
When they come to be a little better acquainted with themselves, and with their
own species, they discover that plain, right reason is, nine times in ten, the
fettered and shackled attendant of the triumph of the heart and the passions;
consequently, they address themselves, nine times in ten, to the conqueror, not
to the conquered: and conquerors, you know, must be applied to in the gentlest,
the most engaging, and the most insinuating manner.
But, unfortunately, young men are as apt
to think themselves wise enough, as drunken men are to think themselves sober
enough. They look upon spirit to be a much better thing than experience, which
they call coldness. They are but half mistaken; for, though spirit without
experience is dangerous, experience without spirit is languid and defective.
Their union, which is very rare, is perfection; you may join them, if you
please; for all my experience is at your service; and I do not desire one grain
of your spirit in return. Use them both, and let them reciprocally animate and
check each other. I mean here, by the spirit of youth, only the vivacity and
presumption of youth, which hinder them from seeing the difficulties or dangers
of an undertaking; but I do not mean what the silly vulgar call spirit,
by which they are captious, jealous of their rank, suspicious of being
undervalued, and tart (as they call it) in their repartees upon the slightest
occasions. This is an evil and a very silly spirit, which should be driven out,
and transferred to a herd of swine.
NEVER NEGLECT OLD ACQUAINTANCE
TO conclude: Never neglect or despise old, for the sake
of new or shining acquaintance, which would be ungrateful on your part, and
never forgiven on theirs. Take care to make as many personal friends, and as
few personal enemies, as possible. I do not mean, by personal friends, intimate
and confidential friends, of which no man can hope to have half a dozen in the
whole course of his life; but I mean friends in the common acceptation of the
word; that is, people who speak well of you, and who would rather do you good
than harm, consistently with their own interest, and no further.
