Sunday, June 23, 2013

చెస్టర్‌ఫీల్డ్ సలహాలు- KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD - Part - I


KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD


Part - I


     WE should endeavor to hoard up, while we are young, a great stock of knowledge; for, though during that time of dissipation we may not have occasion to spend much of it, yet a time will come when we shall want it to maintain us.


HOW TO ACQUIRE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD


     THE knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet. Books alone will never teach it you; but they will suggest many things to your observation, which might otherwise escape you; and your own observations upon mankind, when compared with those which you will find in books, will help you to fix the true point.

     To know mankind well, requires full as much attention and application as to know books, and, it may be, more sagacity and discernment. I am at this time acquainted with many elderly people, who have all passed their whole lives in the great world, but with such levity and inattention, that they know no more of it now than they did at fifteen. Do not flatter yourself, therefore, with the thought that you can acquire this knowledge in the frivolous chit-chat of idle companies; no, you must go much deeper than that. You must look into people, as well as at them. Search, therefore, with the greatest care, into the characters of all those whom you converse with; endeavor to discover their predominant passions, their prevailing weaknesses, their vanities, their follies, and their humors; with all the right and wrong, wise and silly springs of human action, which makes such inconsistent and whimsical beings of us rational creatures.


NEVER SHOW A CONTEMPT FOR ANY ONE


     THERE are no persons so insignificant and inconsiderable, but may, some time or other, or in some thing or other, have it in their power to be of use to you; which they certainly will not, if you have once shown them contempt. Wrongs are often forgiven; but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever. Remember, therefore, most carefully to conceal your contempt, however just, wherever you would not make an implacable enemy. Men are much more unwilling to have their weaknesses and their imperfections known than their crimes; and, if you hint to a man that you think him silly, ignorant, or even ill-bred or awkward, he will hate you more and longer than if you tell him plainly that you think him a rogue.


MAKE NO MAN FEEL HIS INFERIORITY


     NOTHING is more insulting than to take pains to make a man feel a mortifying inferiority in knowledge, rank, fortune, etc. In the first it is both ill-bred and ill-natured, and in the two latter articles it is unjust, they not being in his power. Good-breeding and good-nature incline us rather to raise people up to ourselves, than to mortify and depress them. Besides, it is making ourselves so many friends, instead of so many enemies. A constant attention to please, is a most necessary ingredient in the art of pleasing: it flatters the self-love of those to whom it is shown; it engages and captivates, more than things of much greater importance. Every man is, in some measure, obliged to discharge the social duties of life; but these attentions are voluntary acts, the free-will offering of good-breeding and good nature; they are received, remembered, and returned as such. Women, in particular, have a right to them; and any omission in that respect is downright ill-breeding.


NEVER EXPOSE PEOPLE’S WEAKNESSES AND INFIRMITIES


     WE should never yield to that temptation, which to most young men is very strong; of exposing other people's weaknesses and infirmities, for the sake either of diverting the company or of showing our own superiority. We may, by that means, get the laugh on our side for the present; but we shall make enemies by it forever; and even those who laugh with us will, upon reflection, fear and despise us: it is ill-natured; and a good heart desires rather to conceal than expose other people's weaknesses or misfortunes. If we have wit, we should use it to please, and not to hurt; we may shine, like the sun in the temperate zone, without scorching.


STEADY COMMAND OF TEMPER AND COUNTENANCE


     THERE are many inoffensive arts which are necessary in the course of the world, and which he who practices the earliest will please the most, and rise the soonest. The spirits and vivacity of youth are apt to neglect them as useless, or reject them as troublesome; but subsequent knowledge and experience of the world remind us of their importance, commonly when it is too late. The principal of these things is the mastery of one's temper, and that coolness of mind and serenity of countenance which hinder us from discovering, by words, actions, or even looks, those passions or sentiments by which we are inwardly moved or agitated; and the discovery of which gives cooler and abler people such infinite advantages over us, not only in great business, but in all the most common occurrences of life. A man who does not possess himself enough to hear disagreeable things, without visible marks of anger and change of countenance, or agreeable ones without sudden bursts of joy and expansion of countenance, is at the mercy of every artful knave or pert coxcomb: the former will provoke or please you by design, to catch unguarded words or looks, by which he will easily decipher the secrets of your heart, of which you should keep the key yourself, and trust it with no man living; the latter will, by his absurdity, and without intending it, produce the same discoveries of which other people will avail themselves.

     If you find yourself subject to sudden starts of passion or madness, (for I see no difference between them, but in their duration,) resolve within yourself, at least, never to speak one word while you feel that emotion within you.

     In short, make yourself absolute master of your temper and your countenance, so far at least as that no visible change do appear in either, whatever you may feel inwardly. This may be difficult, but it is by no means impossible; and, as a man of sense never attempts impossibilities on the one hand, on the other, he is never discouraged by difficulties: on the contrary, he redoubles his industry and his diligence; he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last. In any point which prudence bids you pursue, and which a manifest utility attends, let difficulties only animate your industry, not deter you from the pursuit. If one way has failed, try another: be active, persevere, and you will conquer. Some people are to be reasoned, some flattered, some intimidated, and some teased into a thing; but, in general, all are sure to be brought into it at last, if skillfully applied to, properly managed, and indefatigably attacked in their several weak places. The time should likewise be judiciously chosen: every man has his mollia tempora; but that is far from being all day long; and you would choose your time very ill, if you applied to a man about one business, when his head was full of another, or when his heart was full of grief, anger, or any other disagreeable sentiment.


JUDGE OF OTHER MEN’S FEELINGS BY YOUR OWN


     IN order to judge of the inside of others, study your own; for men, in general, are very much alike; and, though one has one prevailing passion, and another has another, yet their operations are much the same; and whatever engages or disgusts, pleases or offends you, in others will, mutatis mutandis, engage, disgust, please, or offend others in you. Observe, with the utmost attention, all the operations of your own mind, the nature of your passions, and the various motives that determine your will; and you may, in a great degree, know all mankind. For instance: Do you find yourself hurt and mortified when another makes you feel his superiority and your own inferiority in knowledge, parts, rank, or fortune? You will certainly take great care not to make a person whose good-will, good word, interest, esteem, or friendship you would gain, feel that superiority in you, in case you have it. If disagreeable insinuations, sly sneers, or repeated contradictions, tease and irritate you, would you use them where you wished to engage and please? Surely not; and I hope you wish to engage and please almost universally. The temptation of saying a smart and witty thing, or bon mot, and the malicious applause with which it is commonly received, have made people who can say them, and, still oftener, people who think they can, but cannot, and yet try, more enemies, and implacable ones too, than any one other thing that I know of. When such things, then, shall happen to be said at your expense, (as sometimes they certainly will), reflect seriously upon the sentiments of uneasiness, anger, and resentment which they excite in you; and consider whether it can be prudent, by the same means, to excite the same sentiments in others against you. It is a decided folly to lose a friend for a jest; but, in my mind, it is not a much less degree of folly to make an enemy of an indifferent and neutral person for the sake of a bon mot. When things of this kind happen to be said of you, the most prudent way is to seem not to suppose that they are meant at you, but to dissemble and conceal whatever degree of anger you may feel inwardly; and, should they be so plain, that you cannot be supposed ignorant of their meaning, to join in the laugh of the company against yourself; acknowledge the hit to be a fair one, and the jest a good one, and play off the whole thing in seeming good humor; but by no means reply in the same way, which only shows that you are hurt, and publishes the victory which you might have concealed. Should the thing said, indeed, injure your honor or moral character, remember there are but two alternatives for a gentleman and a man of parts,—extreme politeness, or a duel.


AVOID SEEING AN AFFRONT, IF POSSIBLE


     IF a man notoriously and designedly insults and affronts you, knock him down; but, if he only injures you, your best revenge is to be extremely civil to him in your outward behavior, though, at the same time, you counterwork him, and return him the compliment, perhaps with interest. This is not perfidy nor dissimulation: it would be so, if you were, at the same time, to make professions of esteem and friendship to this man; which I by no means recommend, but, on the contrary, abhor. All acts of civility are, by common consent, understood to be no more than a conformity to custom, for the quiet and conveniency of society, the agremens of which are not to be disturbed by private dislikes and jealousies. Only women and little minds pout and spar for the entertainment of the company, that always laughs at and never pities them. For my own part, though I would by no means give up any point to a competitor, yet I would pique myself upon showing him rather more civility than to another man. In the first place, this behavior infallibly makes all the laughers of your side, which is a considerable party; and, in the next place, it certainly pleases the object of the competition, be it either man or woman; who never fail to say, upon such an occasion, that “they must own you have behaved yourself very handsomely in the whole affair.”


DISSEMBLE RESENTMENT TOWARDS ENEMIES


     IN short, let this be one invariable rule of your conduct: Never to show the least symptom of resentment which you cannot, to a certain degree, gratify; but always to smile where you cannot strike. There would be no living in the world, if one could not conceal, and even dissemble, the just causes of resentment which one meets with every day in active and busy life. Whoever cannot master his humor should leave the world, and retire to some hermitage in an unfrequented desert. By showing an unavailing and sullen resentment, you authorize the resentment of those who can hurt you, and whom you cannot hurt; and give them that very pretence, which, perhaps, they wished for, of breaking with and injuring you; whereas the contrary behavior would lay them under the restraints of decency at least, and either shackle or expose their malice. Besides, captiousness, sullenness, and pouting are most exceedingly illiberal and vulgar.


TRUST NOT TOO MUCH TO ANY MAN’S HONESTY


     THOUGH men are all of one composition, the several ingredients are so differently proportioned in each individual, that no two are exactly alike; and no one, at all times, like himself. The ablest man will sometimes do weak things; the proudest man, mean things; the honestest man, ill things; and the wickedest man, good things. Study individuals, then; and, if you take (as you ought to do) their outlines from their prevailing passion, suspend your last finishing strokes till you have attended to and discovered the operations of their inferior passions, appetites, and humors. A man's general character may be that of the honestest man in the world: do not dispute it; you may be thought envious or ill-natured; but, at the same time, do not take this probity upon trust to such a degree as to put your life, fortune, or reputation in his power. This honest man may happen to be your rival in power, in interest, or in love,—three passions that often put honesty to most severe trials, in which it is too often cast; but, first, analyze this honest man yourself, and then only you will be able to judge how far you may or may not with safety trust him.

(to be continued in Part - II)




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